hi
in case you haven noticed, i haven been updating my blog...its still under works yea. well, a lot of things happen this past 2 weeks. a lot. funny coz i dun feel like typing it out rite nw, coz sumhow im beginning to cry.. but its best to let it alll out.

the love of my life left me last week.last tuesday actuali. our one year anniversary. he broke up with me on our one year anniversary. how cud he? i loved him and had always loved him so much despite everything we've been through. he said he din love me anymore. he told me dat when we met the last time, he felt nothing. he said he dun feel anithing animore..

do u noe how i feel when i hear those very words on the phone. i was heartbroken, i was devastated.. its dat kind of feeling inside of you that hurts alot and you noe that its ur heart. its painful i tell you.real painful... i have loved him all this while, loved him like he's the most important thing in my life. he is my heart. why yang? why are u doin this to me..

his answer was dat i never changed. no matter how much he tried , i will never changed, he said.
and he feels dat its gonna be like that forever and in years to come.

dear, i have never cheated on you, never lied ... i did went out with my guy friends but i never crossed the line. why are u torturing me.. and he kept giving me reasons like he has yet to be in ns la, my parents dun agree la bla bla. from the looks of it, i'd say thats excuses. what have you got to hide??? i just dun understand and dun quite believe that anyone cud just not love sumone whom he have been loving fer so long just like that...its like the next you loved a person, and the day after tml, u let her go saying that u dun love her animore...

the worst thing of all, i din see it coming. out of the blue, things happen soo fast. i realli din.

im heart broken, disappointed, confused and is badly missing him rite now. period.

but why??? tell me why...

im glad that god made me strong. at times he made me not to think of you. at the same times i have work and responsibilities to occupy my time and mind..away from you.

im crying. but its ok.

nitez peopLe..

hi there..
it has been quite a while... too many things to say..too little time.. i got soo much to say buti dunno where to start..hmmmm.. let's talk about wat im feeling now, if u bother to read dat is.. i just finished my interview with the lecturers just now. students whose works are not good enuff or are not found to be of a graduating student standard must go thru an interview with them.. and just as i had expected when i first opened the studio door, myname was the second on the list.. ok lets stops with the introductions and get on with it shall we..?

i was nervous and scared waiting fer the interview. i hate the feeling..it makes me feel like i wanna shitt.. lol! serious! hahaha... well, they called my name and i went in.. well, i noe im not good and i very well noe my work sucks big time.. i noe dat..and they keep telling me dat..and there's noting i can say coz i noe im all dat.. and as usual alexis HAD to answer almost aLL of my questions.... like she's me... fer example,
i wud answer: yeah im werking 4 days per week.
alexis will say: other ppl werking mah...
faris: so u are supporting most of ur projects money?
normah: .......
alexis: other people's parents died in the middle of their course and they had to support themselves...

i was like "did they ask u bitch???" hur hur..watever... well thats about wrapped up my interview dat day. they i went out of the room. it was mariana's turn..she went in i tink fer abt 20 mins den went out sobbing.. i felt bad fer her.. but she is in the company of all her friends. den it struck me dat i dun have any friends animore..my friends are all gone, no offence..
all of a sudden i was overwhelmed with a weird feeling..suddenly i feel like i wanna cry..i felt hurt. if feels like someone hurt me. dat i shud cry. i ought to cry. dat i have the right to cry...
yeah, dat kept me thinking fer a while there as i gazed blankly at the blank computer screen. hmmmm... normah u shud cry. u have feelings gurl. u noe u din do well. they demoralized u. they talk down abt u. they make u feel as tho u are noting more than a pile of dirt on the floor. well alexis did. den why arent u crying gurl? why are u keeping all of those feelings of urs bottled up inside? why? is ur heart made of stone? have u no feelings..where's ur heart? where is all dat emotions? where?

den dat feeling came again..the answer to ALL those questions... i noe why my heart is made of stone. i noe why i have no feelings. i noe why i kept it bottled up inside of me. i noe why my hearts not there animore. i noe why all my emotions are gone..


just imagine..


what will happen if i cry?
what will happen if i burst out crying?
what will happen if all that happened???

ans: there will be NO ONE to comfort me
there one will be thre fer me
i have no shoulder to cry on
nobody who listens to all my complaints

at least mariana have friends
i had none.
my friends a gone
i have no one in class
i went school alone
i go home alone
i ate lunch alone
sometimes i skipped lunches
coz i got no one to talk to
i talk to myself in class (i guess)
im alone
all by myself





welllll... its gonna be over soon..am i right?

exactly 0200hrs on a thurs mornin.. its been a while since i have updated..i tink by then, my frens are too lazy to even chanced upon my blog hoping that i wud update, but dat din happen. hehe.. well, on the 9th sep, hairoul messaged thru friendster..u cant imagined how much i've missed him all these while and how surprised i am to see his name on my message box. words cant describe how i felt that moment. i cudnt speak, i just stoned there...den i cry. even tho in his msg, he mentioned me as a 'dear friend', seeing his name on my msg box is more than enuf. there's noting dat i cud ask more. i cud, i want, but i cant and i shudn't. its too late. i still love you. ya, i noe i shudn't, i noe dat. its ok. just leave me to love you till i cant love you no more...

its been a while..dunno where to start..randoms i guess..lets start with friday..hmmmm. friday was spent with nazi at bugis.went there by train with xiaoran oso..yup.im FULL of complaints. if u were me, u'll noe why. but u weren't me, so u wont noe.heh. yeah, reached bugis, grabbed some bubble tea, i like pearls!!! hehe... den off to bugis village, on the hunt for shrugs, big shoulder bags with pocket at the front and long skirts. hehe.

it was hot, very hot. very humid. i dun like it at all.. owell, it was a fruitful day nonetheless. found this bag, its nice. i likeee. den off to bugis junction .. din noe ebase sells good stuffs..and CHEAP.ok ok..affordable stuffs! i likeee too... hmm..maybe one day i shud shop there oso ya. wanna buy shrug oso..haiz..and this nazi ar buy green so hard to match..hahahaha! nvm, can find one one. hehe. =P

kkkkkkkkkkkkkk..i seriously have nuthing to do..man, im so dead. im really dead. k, im dead. i dun hv the heart to go on aniwaes.so this means im already not living. right?